Have you ever wanted to done something so much... that in the end it doesnt get realized... and all the while is not because you did not put effort to do something but is because of your surrounding?? Well I have this story.... This story of mine is not something that I fabricate... is something that I knew how sad it was when I thought about it 2 years back....
Let me start one by one as this would be the last time I'll speak about someone that I deared so much...
During my childhood:
The only person who really spice up my childhood is none other than my grandfather... Ever since I am little ones.... The only one who really inspires me to study is him.... I used to give up and tried to be lazy {Do not want to study} But he is always there to put me right back on the track.... He is illiterate.... although he can speak malay and a few words of english.... such is not enough back then.... It was then I promised myself to be literate so that I could be the ear and the mouth for my grandfather....
Every morning... I would have my favourite dim sum on the table before I went to kindergarten.... And... not forgetting.. sometimes.. he would bring me to a small shop just to have breakfast with me....
I am naughty... I have to admit it... I am one kind of a spoil brat back then... I used to throw lots of tantrum.... I even broke my grandfather's glass just to get what I want... He did not punish me.. instead reply me with a kind smile... {such a kind person he is}...
He used to joke about how he cheated death {Broken rips} But I was too little to understand what does he meant... so I thought it was one kind of joke and did not take it seriously...
My days of childhood is filled with happiness and smile whenever I saw my grandfather...{Back then he was working}... he is the one really bring fun to my childhood... The first whiteboard that I gain is from him.... and he even bought the wrong marker {which is permanent} and make his effort back to the shop to change the marker just for me....
During my preteen:
Here is where I parted from my grandparent and go to my parent's house.... I really do not like to go to my parent's house as I knew they're strict and talks everything about discipline.... Yet in the end I still go there.... BUT one real exception is my grandfather will be there.... {although he is not staying with us}....
My primary school days was accompanied by my grandfather.... Even my parent left I would not cry... but it is a different story for my grandfather.... Because my naive thought {I am still little okay}... that my parent would not permit my grandfather to see me anymore as he has a little spoiling nature in him {pleases me all the way} So I would be tearing and crying as he left.... THOUGH... he made his effort from cheras all the way to my place just to accompany me to school.... and back home....
In my mid preteen.... my grandfather would drove me to some place just to have an outing with him... in The Mines... the first paid boat {I went there a lot of times with my grandfather despite of the expensive tickets} and... many other stuffs.... he is just wont get tired to bring fun to me.... KFC is what I remember the most.... when I was young... he would bring me to the restaurant just to eat.... eventually it became my favourite food... {chicken}....
During my late preteen... some accidents happened to my grandfather... he got a stroke... and make him disabled.... Despite of that... he still have his signature smile on his face... and I still remember on that day the unfortunate happens is when he wanted to bring me to somewhere.... {IF i am not mistaken is MV}....
My last stage of preteen... he stayed with me... during that time... he went to another stroke again... but luckily I was there... he was in my room.. I still remember I was 10 yrs old that time... I tried to get him respond but couldnt... finally I called my parent from the other room.... and that day... somehow.. my grandfather cheated death another time... He survived it... {thank god..}
During my teenage:
I would still visit my grandparent on the holiday... just like how I did during my preteen years... he is there and I still manages to get him out... and have some walk... {It would be hurtful for his instinct as he does not want anyone to see him that he has disabled.. but still he walks with me}... to everywhere the train can take us... That is the joyest moment of my life... and there I promised myself second thing which is... when I am able to drive... I'll bring him wherever he used to bring me... so that he can enjoy literally how it feels when he brought me to places back then when I am young....
Here is where my academic performance shines.... although I got straight As during UPSR... I thought it was just out of luck... but in form 1... it was totally different... I managed to score.... so I believe it is not a luck anymore.... Whenever I rang my grandfather up... he would say... Keep up the good work and put full concentration on your studies... {In cantonese of course}...
During PMR.... and after PMR.... I stopped visiting my grandparent... reason been I want to enjoy my holiday at my own house... {The real reason is my house have subscribed streamyx}... so then.. it comes to SPM...{SO FAST!!}
I remember I make a fool out of myself during English paper 2... when I was writing my essay... I can see that I could not hold my feeling and the tears just drip on the exam paper... {LUCKILY IT IS plastic filled}... there is where I wrote the story of my grandfather... when he was dead in front of me... standing in front of his coffin.... YET my dream did not fulfilled {Promises that I made before}... Just by thinking of it made me sad... and I really cried.... but it was then a wake up call to me... I must fulfill my dream...
Now:
I would still call him... I still have the naive me in myself saying that... "he'll make it through... he'll wait for me... I'll bring him to all the places where I can drove"... circumstances does not allow... I did not learn exactly how to drive... reason been stopped by my parent... So I thought... I would have another year.... or perhaps a few more years to my days where I can fulfill my promise.... I know he can wait.... {In my heart was all these}....
On this unfaithful morning... 11am... I woke up.. and I felt headache... {I wasn't aware of what I've dreamt yesterday}.... so I walk myself down... and do my force analysis to double check my calculation.. there I received a phone call from my grandmother.... "grandpa got difficulties he said".... and followed by the second phone call "He's dead" {in between my mom was arranging ambulance to his place}.... I did not believe every word my grandmother said.. because she would exeggerate sometimes....
On the journey there I still did not believe.. until my uncle called to confirm about his dead... There... I could not help it but just like what I've wrote in my essay... I did not fulfilled my dream... and for the first time... I used to have a melody in my heart.. it stops thoroughly... I felt like.. I have no longer have any aims to fulfilled.... I really have nothing to say... but just tears to explain my emotions.... Hopefully my grandfather will move on to a better life... Love you forever grandpa....
Krane
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